Dating & Leaving an Alcoholic: A Guide to Moving On FHE Health

However, even high-functioning alcoholics can’t keep drinking problems a secret forever. Key warning signs that people are alcoholics include always ordering alcohol when they go out or struggling to control how much they drink. Boyfriends, girlfriends or partners of functional alcoholics may also experience emotional or relationship problems.

Emotional and behavioral changes may include:

A person who has a secret alcohol disorder is an individual who appears to be very normal. In nearly all cases, you won’t know this individual has an alcohol abuse and alcoholism problem until a significant event happens, such as a DUI, that makes them come face-to-face with their illness. In addition, according to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA), alcohol misuse like binge drinking and heavy drinking can increase your risk for developing alcohol use disorder (AUD). It is not uncommon for individuals with AUD to experience conflict with family and friends, and have drinking negatively impact their job, schooling, and overall safety. Daily drinking can have serious consequences for a person’s health, both in the short- and long-term.

Children of High-Functioning Alcoholics

The 12-step program used in AA encourages individuals to take responsibility for their actions, make amends, and commit to a sober lifestyle. If you are concerned about your loved one’s drinking, it can be helpful to join a support group such as Al-Anon. Such groups can offer valuable support, encouragement, advice, and information. Family members may feel on edge and worried about their loved ones drinking. They may take steps to avoid the person while they are drinking, or they may experience feelings of guilt, shame, or self-blame. Chronic heavy drinkers can display a functional tolerance to the point they show few obvious signs of intoxication even at high blood alcohol concentrations, which in others would be incapacitating.

The Right Treatment Facility

However, it may be most difficult to walk away from a high-functioning alcoholic. A high-functioning alcoholic maintains a seemingly normal life while struggling with alcohol dependence. This can mask the severity of their addiction, making it harder for them and others to recognize the need for help and treatment. This can be incredibly isolating because, on the outside, no one will know what you deal with in the home. It can also give a falsely inflated sense of hope, as your partner can sometimes act like themselves despite their struggles.

CBT focuses on changing negative thought patterns and behaviors that contribute to alcohol dependence, enabling the individual to manage stress and emotions without resorting to drinking. In 2019, the NIAAA found that 25.8 percent of people aged 18 and older reported binge drinking in the previous month. Binge drinking refers to a pattern of alcohol misuse where males consume five or more drinks in about two hours, or females ingest four or more drinks in the same period. Even if you’re not an alcoholic, binge drinking can be deadly and cause alcohol poisoning.

• One of the hallmarks of addiction is a person’s fear of not being able to consume whatever their drug of choice is.
• It was like people, even those I knew and loved, felt like a very difficult chore on some awful to-do list.
• My second son, Henry, decided to do this thing called Not Ever Sleeping, and I became so sleep-deprived that I was having hallucinations.
• Family members may need to hold an intervention for their loved one with alcoholism.
• Yet, with that higher tolerance level, many men and women like this don’t recognize their condition as a true addiction.
• He or she may not believe that they are alcoholic and believe that they require more concrete evidence of being alcoholic in order to even consider getting sober.

My image of the alcoholic was always an individual who could not hold his or her life together, and I certainly did not fit that description. My denial was deeply rooted and was reinforced not only by my loved ones but by society as a whole. Yes, high-functioning alcoholics can recover with the right treatment and support. Early intervention, therapy, and a strong support system are key to overcoming addiction. Therapy and counseling are essential components of treating high-functioning alcoholism. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is particularly effective, as it helps individuals understand the underlying causes of their addiction and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

They Always Have An Explanation For Why They Drink

Ultimately, no matter who is in your life with a drinking problem, their struggles with alcohol can be exacerbated if they do not receive timely intervention. For some spouses, the years of emotional abuse and neglect prove to be too harmful and the divorce proceedings continue. Even so, proven sobriety will most likely allow the former spouse to carefully restore a relationship with the minor children.

While intoxicated, your spouse may choose to drive with the children in the car or put their safety at risk in other ways. Numerous studies provide that growing up with an alcoholic parent will negatively impact the children, and there comes a time that the alcoholic needs to work towards sobriety outside of the presence of the children. First and foremost, you should safeguard your and your children’s physical safety.

How to Approach the High-Functioning Alcoholic in Your Life

If you’re suffering from the effects of codependency, it may be time to take a break or distance yourself from the relationship. High-functioning alcoholics can be moms, dads, husbands, wives, brothers or sisters. The type of relationship you have with the person with alcoholism often affects how his or her disease affects you.

• Depending on the situation’s specifics and your concern, you could also work with a professional addiction treatment center or interventionist to arrange an intervention.
• It’s important to prioritize your well-being, safety, and the welfare of any children involved.
• When the pain or embarrassment gets bad enough, they can no longer deny that their drinking needs to be addressed.
• Things can get tricky if you have shared assets or children, so it’s smart to consult a divorce lawyer who knows the ropes.
• If the high-functional alcoholic you know is ready to stop drinking, they must go about it the right way by seeking professional addiction treatment.
• This decision is a deeply personal one, but there can also be very real legal consequences for divorcing your spouse.

Loved ones and friends of HFAs can also seek support for themselves in order to learn how best to navigate their relationship with the alcoholic in their life, to detach emotionally and to heal. Al-Anon is a free, anonymous national support for the friends and loved functional alcoholic husband ones of alcoholics and ACOA is a free, anonymous national support specifically for adult children of alcoholic parents. The book Co-Dependent No More by Melody Beattie is a resource for the loved ones of alcoholics that is highly recommended by many therapists.